Scourge Chat #3

These always make my day :) Enjoy!

***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Oh shit oh shit oh shit
[theLichKing]: oh shit

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: you called, my liege
[theLichKing]: We're fucked
[Kel’Thuz4d]: what did you want
[theLichKing]: We're fucked. Someone leaked one of our chat logs to the Internet.
[theLichKing]: And it got posted, like, everywhere but marthastewart.com
[theLichKing]: And Blizzard got hold of it
[theLichKing]: And now they want to meet with us to have a "powwow" about "corporate policy"
[theLichKing]: We're hosed
[Kel’Thuz4d]: whos blizzard
[theLichKing]: What?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: is that an ice elemental
[theLichKing]: You've got to be fing kidding me.

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: This had better be more important than the last time you summoned me
[Killzone’jaeden]: From my dark throne in the depths of the seething chaos in the rift between dimensions
[Killzone’jaeden]: To discuss your heating bill
[Kel’Thuz4d]: one of his ice elementals is rebelling
[Kel’Thuz4d]: and it wants to have a discussion
[Killzone’jaeden]: *facestab*
[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait whose face are we stabbing
[Kel’Thuz4d]: this is a question of some importance for me
[theLichKing]: GUYS
[theLichKing]: There's no ice elemental. Our chat log leaked and Blizzard's going to fire us.

***User "Sindragosa1337" has entered the chat.***

[Sindragosa1337]: whats t3h h33zy sh33zy
[Kel’Thuz4d]: a blizzard is on fire and its leaking
[Sindragosa1337]: rid1culous
[Sindragosa1337]: as a fr0st wyrm i can s4y wit some auth0rity that the scenario you describe
[Sindragosa1337]: is pretty much ret4rded
[theLichKing]: Kel'thuzad, shut up. Sindragosa, you know who Blizzard is right?
[Sindragosa1337]: and now we're p3rs0nifying it
[Sindragosa1337]: can i leave?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Based on past experience, I'd say our suffering has only begun.

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: Aaaand I'm right.
[theLichKing]: Anub, you know who Blizzard is, right?
[An00b’arak]: of course
[theLichKing]: Finally. Someone who's not a complete ignoramus.
[An00b’arak]: dq sells them
[An00b’arak]: they are delicious

***User "BlizzardRep" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: OMG ITS THE GIANT FLAMING ICE CREAM ELEMENTAL
[BlizzardRep]: ...
[theLichKing]: What he means to say is
[theLichKing]: "Hi! How are you?"
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *licks the blizzard*
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh gross
[Killzone’jaeden]: You don't know where that's been
[Killzone’jaeden]: Also, since when do you have a tongue
[BlizzardRep]: Everybody be quiet please.
[theLichKing]: Yes sir.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh you call *him* sir.
[theLichKing]: He's from Blizzard. They're the gods of our universe.
[Sindragosa1337]: u mean like c'th0n
[theLichKing]: No! I mean they're the Creators.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: u mean like the titans
[theLichKing]: No! I mean they're behind everything we do.
[An00b’arak]: u mean like that creepy gnome
[BlizzardRep]: Everyone! Please be quiet for a second!
[An00b’arak]: what r titans
[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh for Pete's sake
[BlizzardRep]: EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...
[Sindragosa1337]: ...
[theLichKing]: ...
[BlizzardRep]: Now. We have a situation.
[BlizzardRep]: A chat log timestamped March 20, between some of the major Scourge and Burning Legion leaders, has been leaked to the Internet.
[BlizzardRep]: Followed a short time later by another.
[BlizzardRep]: These documents make us look, to put it charitably, ridiculous.
[BlizzardRep]: Lich King.
[theLichKing]: Y-yes...
[BlizzardRep]: You are the face of our expansion. We rely on you to project a good image for our entire brand.
[BlizzardRep]: Tell me. Do you find anything amusing about performing sexual acts...on a potato?
[theLichKing]: No sir. Absolutely not.
[Killzone’jaeden]: *snicker*
[An00b’arak]: amusing, moar like satisfying
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ahem, can u please describe said acts in greater detail
[Sindragosa1337]: XD
[BlizzardRep]: The farmers' groups are already complaining.
[BlizzardRep]: And I'm sorry to say, you fared _best_ out of everyone.
[BlizzardRep]: Kil'jaeden, Kel'thuzad, and Sindragosa.
[BlizzardRep]: Your blatant prejudice is shocking. Our company values diversity above all. I am very disappointed in you.
[Sindragosa1337]: tl;dr
[Killzone’jaeden]: Are you a snow cone or a chatbot? We sort of have a bet going.
[BlizzardRep]: Phylumism, were it an actual thing, would go against everything we stand for as a corporation.
[An00b’arak]: yes thats what ive been saying thank you thank you
[An00b’arak]: >8< >8> <8< <8> >8< spider priiiiiide
[An00b’arak]: free at last
[An00b’arak]: whose awesome
[An00b’arak]: im awesome
[An00b’arak]: whose awesome
[An00b’arak]: im awesome
[BlizzardRep]: Anub'arak.
[An00b’arak]: yessssssssss
[BlizzardRep]: You're an idiot.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Huzzah!
[BlizzardRep]: Azjol-Nerub and Naxxramas have become a laughingstock.
[Sindragosa1337]: is this an 4pril f00ls j0ke
[Kel’Thuz4d]: no bc if it was then kiljaeden be like "Huzzah!"
[Kel’Thuz4d]: and teh chat would be like
[Kel’Thuz4d]: Killzone'jaeden stands up and burps mightily "Huzzah!"
[Kel’Thuz4d]: And does the hokey pokey
[Kel’Thuz4d]: And LARPs
[An00b’arak]: listen
[An00b’arak]: we dont have to take this
[BlizzardRep]: Funny thing, you do, actually.
[BlizzardRep]: Let me introduce you to a little script I call
[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown
[Killzone’jaeden]: OH SHI-
[theLichKing]: aaaaaaahhhhh
[Sindragosa1337]: t3h p41n!1
[An00b’arak]: oh im gonna start twitching i can tell already
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *literalheaddesk*
[An00b’arak]: here it goes, the twitching
[theLichKing]: OMG
[An00b’arak]: dsuihweoiuefhweuihgweowghazdsdddddddddddddddddddddd
[An00b’arak]: sdlksdfjffhfskl;;;sdhfs;;;;;;
[An00b’arak]: sajdldjksjkl
[An00b’arak]: and were done
[BlizzardRep]: It's not you numbskulls I'm worried about though.
[BlizzardRep]: It's this Sargeras character
[BlizzardRep]: Who started
[BlizzardRep]: An effing
[BlizzardRep]: Blog.
[An00b’arak]: hsjjhskjdkjdkdjd
[An00b’arak]: sry aftershock
[BlizzardRep]: Where the hell is Sargeras anyway?
[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok about that. I guarantee he did not start a blog
[theLichKing]: Yeah I can back him up on this actually. Sargeras is not what you would call...creative.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...literate.
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...sentient.
[BlizzardRep]: I'm not wrong about this.

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Oh no not this again
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: What are you talking about, Arthas? I'm just responding to the Blizzard summons as ordered.
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: I respect the wishes of our programmers.
[theLichKing]: Well I don't. Screw you Blizzard!
[theLichKing]: No it's her! She's saying that!
[theLichKing]: No, it was me. I have schizophrenia.
[theLichKing]: It's the whole two-souls-in-one-body thing.
[theLichKing]: I do NOT have schizophrenia!
[theLichKing]: Right, I'm just arguing with myself
[theLichKing]: Nothing schizo about that
[theLichKing]: It's Sylvanas! She's betraying me!
[theLichKing]: "Sylvanas" is what I call my other personality.
[theLichKing]: OMG
[theLichKing]: Make her stop
[theLichKing]: Isn't it interesting that my other personality is a woman?
[theLichKing]: *makes out with self*
[theLichKing]: Ew! Gross!
[theLichKing]: Oh right I forgot I only do it with vegetables
[Killzone’jaeden]: I could listen to this for hours.
[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown
[Killzone’jaeden]: OW STOP OKAY
[An00b’arak]: wehgpwhghgrpihwgpghwpwghiugnibgnwiug4nuigrnibniehnrgphngrpiwhaoigwhgoihrg94984hgriruwh
[An00b’arak]: dont mind me
[An00b’arak]: the twitching is oddly enjoyable
[BlizzardRep]: Where is Sargeras?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *shrug*
[Killzone’jaeden]: I'll go get him

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *sings* so ready now for ullll-du-ar
[theLichKing]: Aw man don't get that stuck in my head again
[theLichKing]: Now I'll be singing it for hours
[Kel’Thuz4d]: nah it's easy to get rid of it, just insert something else even catchier
[theLichKing]: NO DON'T
[Kel’Thuz4d]: this was a triumph... im making a note here, huge success
[theLichKing]: It's hard to ohhhhh-verstate my saaaaaaa-tisfaction... AAAARRRGGGGHH
[theLichKing]: *WRATH*

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras isn't available at the moment.
[BlizzardRep]: Isn't. Available.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Um, it's a little thing called
[Killzone’jaeden]: "The Burning Crusade"
[BlizzardRep]: What.
[Killzone’jaeden]: http://www.wowwiki.com/Burning_Crusade
[BlizzardRep]: I KNOW WHAT IT IS
[Killzone’jaeden]: Well you're pretty knowledgeable for a snowcone aintcha?
[BlizzardRep]: ...seriously?
[BlizzardRep]: Does *nobody* here know who I am? What Blizzard is?
[BlizzardRep]: Does nobody get what this is about?
[BlizzardRep]: Does anyone even care about the customers?
[theLichKing]: I do!
[BlizzardRep]: The vote of Mr. Potato Head...does not count.
[BlizzardRep]: Anyone else?
[An00b’arak]: still twitching...
[An00b’arak]: ...
[An00b’arak]: ...
[An00b’arak]: ...
[An00b’arak]: ...done.
[BlizzardRep]: Ok fine. Listen, I'm going to explain it.
[BlizzardRep]: In the beginning there was Warcraft, and it was good.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: *gets popcorn*
[BlizzardRep]: Then came Warcraft II and Warcraft III. But the people wanted more. And lo, Blizzard looked upon Evercrack, and saw that its power could be turned to its own purposes.
[BlizzardRep]: And Blizzard did smile down from upon its high throne, and release World of Warcraft unto the masses.
[BlizzardRep]: And WoW begat BC, which begat WotLK.
[BlizzardRep]: NOW do you get it?
[Sindragosa1337]: omg tfl;dr

***User "Sindragosa1337" has left the chat.***

[BlizzardRep]: *sigh*
[Kel’Thuz4d]: so wait
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who created the titans
[BlizzardRep]: Yes!
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who bestows patches
[BlizzardRep]: Yes...
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who controls the pixels
[BlizzardRep]: Yes.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: then y are u working for dairy queen
[BlizzardRep]: F A C E
[BlizzardRep]: P A L M

***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: I AM TEH DARK TITAN!!!11
[SARGERAS]: I will... destroy.. the worlds...
[SARGERAS]: *sigh* My heart's just not in it today, guys.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: awww
[Killzone’jaeden]: It's okay, Master. It happens to the best of us.
[Killzone’jaeden]: I myself once went three whole weeks without ripping apart anyone's soul.
[SARGERAS]: Really?
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...no.
[SARGERAS]: I've just felt so...down, lately.
[SARGERAS]: I keep getting all these "Cease And Desist" letters
[SARGERAS]: When all I want to do is write on my blog
[SARGERAS]: And blow up planets
[SARGERAS]: And sell T-shirts at a ridiculously inflated profit margin
[BlizzardRep]: Yeah ABOUT THAT
[BlizzardRep]: Do you have any idea how many copyright laws you've violated in the past month?
[BlizzardRep]: You can't misuse our copyrighted works!
[SARGERAS]: I *am* your copyrighted works
[BlizzardRep]: Aha! So you admit it!
[BlizzardRep]: This is an outrage!
[BlizzardRep]: You will stop what you're doing at once!
[BlizzardRep]: Blah blah blah I'm boring blah blah copyright!! >:O
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: OH NO SHE DIDUNT
[BlizzardRep]: Oh you want a piece of me?
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: bring it lactose boy
[BlizzardRep]: It's on like Donkey Kong
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lets do this thing
[BlizzardRep]: *prepares /GMbeatdown*
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: *assumes dramatic stance*
[theLichKing]: *puts on Angry Eyes*
[Killzone’jaeden]: *chargin his laser*
[An00b’arak]: *wets self quietly*
[Kel’Thuz4d]: STOP!!!
[Kel’Thuz4d]: have we lost our way? turning on one another like enemies? arent we all in this together, really?
[Kel’Thuz4d]: dont we all want EA to fail?
[Killzone’jaeden]: He's right.
[Kel’Thuz4d]: Really?
[Killzone’jaeden]: NO! What are you, dense? We've the villains
[Killzone’jaeden]: GET HIM
[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: chaaaaaarge
[SARGERAS]: RAAAAAAAAAAAA
[Killzone’jaeden]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[theLichKing]: ...
[Killzone’jaeden]: ...
[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok so, this is a chat, we cant actually fight
[theLichKing]: Right.
[Killzone’jaeden]: Right you are then
[SARGERAS]: Glad that's settled.

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***

[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown
[Killzone’jaeden]: AAGGGH SERIOUSLY

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Listen I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the whole chat log thing
[BlizzardRep]: Just make sure it doesn't happen again.
[theLichKing]: Of course. Certainly not. No more chat logs posted again, ever!
[theLichKing]: And if your programmers just have a second sometime to adjust the heat settings in my throne room...
[BlizzardRep]: Get out of my presence!
[theLichKing]: *shiver*

***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: That went well.
[BlizzardRep]: OUT!!

***User "SARGERAS" has left the chat.***

[BlizzardRep]: *sigh* Shigeru Miyamoto doesn't have to put up with this shit.

***User "BlizzardRep" has left the chat.***

[An00b’arak]: <.<
[An00b’arak]: >.>
[An00b’arak]: /beatdown
[An00b’arak]: wehwoihweoweihfweihwefoiuhnkjewhiuh3oih3io34iuf3bniouff4iu84h7hwaeiufhiowwf
[An00b’arak]: oweihjfewphwiwehawfpoi3983
[An00b’arak]: owahifewpwhfepwfhewf
[An00b’arak]: weoihf
[An00b’arak]: ...
[An00b’arak]: ^_^

***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***